Q&A: Relational Immaturity
Q: Hey I wanted to ask something on your post on relational immaturity. So is wanting space from someone because your upset with them immature? I tend to cut conversations short or all together if I'm upset with someone, maybe I need to stop dwelling over what they said or did so much?
No, not necessarily. Wanting space and taking space when you are upset is quite the opposite—it is a sign of maturity. If you know yourself and your patterns, and therefore, you know that what is best for you in that moment is taking a time out, you are setting a boundary. This is high level self-care and self-love.
However, how are you communicating this need for space?
- Are you separating out to think, to feel, to collect yourself, and then eventually, you come back with clarity to resolve the issue in some form? Did you let the other person know you are taking space?
N.B. resolving the issue in some cases (i.e. dealing with a narcissist) may mean no further communication. Developing your ability to discern and empowering your inner authority will guide you.
- Or are you shutting down, giving the silent treatment, or running away? Are you ending all possibilities for resolution or future communication?
How and what we communicate could be used as one barometer of relational maturity, and it’s an ongoing, life-long learning process we hone one conversation at a time.
Regarding your comment, “maybe I need to stop dwelling over what they said or did so much?” I receive this type of comment a lot, and it’s important to me to transmit to you: honor your feelings no matter how irrational, disturbing, or illogical they may seem to you. If you feel upset, let yourself be upset. It’s not about your need to stop dwelling on something. It’s about honoring your own process and giving your upset the time and space to be. Allowing yourself to feel fully and completely. When you do this, the emotions shift, flow, morph, and release.
If we truly give ourselves space and support for our emotional rhythms, we move through these experiences with grace. Not necessarily less pain—that is an aspect of life and growth. Grace presents when we stop trying to control ourselves/the process and surrender to what it is without judgment. This level of deep connection to self allows us to love and connect to others fully as Dr. Cloud discussed in the post.
Original post on relational immaturity:
http://www.loveandthepsyche.com/post/127666196703/immaturity
P.S. Check out the works of Dr. Henry Cloud and Marshall Rosenberg for more insight on healthy relating & communication.
Original blog reposted from my website Love & the Psyche https://www.loveandthepsyche.com/post/155770682074/hey-i-wanted-to-ask-something-on-your-post-on