Q&A: Learning to Love & Accept Ourselves UNCONDITIONALLY
Q: i am so fucking lonely. how do i find someone who will like me. i dont even like me. what do i have to do to be worth loving. please help me.
Hello sweet soul,
I understand what you are feeling right now. I want to first assure you that, this is just a feeling. I know you feel like this now, but you will not feel like this forever. The TRUTH is…
YOU ARE WORTH LOVING. THAT IS THE TRUTH. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE LOVE. That is the very nature of your being as a human being; try as you might, you can deny it, but you can’t change that. Embrace your worthiness. It all starts with you.
Second, the answer is actually there in your question—it’s unlikely you will find someone to like you until YOU like you. You will attract others into your life, but if you don’t love/like/accept yourself, chances are they will mirror this back to you. In some cases, they can devastate what little self-esteem someone has left. So my first recommendation is to focus on merely accepting yourself right now as you are, completely imperfect as we all are. You don’t even have to like yourself at this point, just commit to accepting yourself, warts and all, much like a parent who unconditionally loves his/her child even when that child may do something atrocious the parent doesn’t agree with. From acceptance, you will be able to move on to liking yourself, and then truly loving yourself as the magnificent being we all are. Many of us tend to hide our innate brilliance, or we’ve been taught to hide it or feel unworthy of it. And the reality is, we are all of us, every single one of us, worthy!
I highly recommend you find a mentor or therapist to support you through this period because I can tell you firsthand, it’s not easy, and I could not have done it myself without massive support. (Esther Bartkiw’s Self-Love program/work keep popping into my mind for you; if you are looking for spiritual support, check out Marianne Williamson’s books, many/most of which address self-worth. Only take what resonates ;)
Third, the gold is in the dark… As in loneliness has a bad wrap in our culture, like it is something we should avoid at all costs, but there is treasure in our loneliness. If you can really sit in your loneliness, really be WITH IT, not only will it pass, but it is one of those spaces that can trigger our greatest ideas and ignite our creative endeavors. Some of my greatest creations have come from those lonely nights that I made space for instead of avoiding the feeling, and as a result, I found inspiration. Try your best to be present with these feelings of loneliness and whatever else is coming up. Allow it. Try not to stifle it with unhealthy behaviors.
Use your loneliness. Don’t let it use you. Another way to be with your loneliness especially during the holidays is to ask yourself: Where can I pitch in? Who can I help? Who can I serve? What can I give? Helping others in some way is the most practical, easiest way out of a depressive funk because it forces you into connection with others. Connection breaks and trumps all negative modes of being. Try it and report back ;) And if you are feeling any resistance about this one, all the more reason to reach out to someone in need. These days, it can be as simple as an online tweet of support or a donation to a nonprofit. Use your creativity!
Finally, following these steps will lead you to people who like you–and I’m talking quality people you actually want to spend time with and who will cherish you!!
Sending you soooooooo much LOVE & support! XOXOXO
Original blog reposted from my website Love & the Psyche https://www.loveandthepsyche.com/post/134794502719/i-am-so-fucking-lonely-how-do-i-find-someone-who