Loving ourselves & loving others with strong boundaries

Boundaries are a form of love. When we set boundaries in our relationships, we are being authentic about who we are, what we want and what we need. Anything else is a manipulation because we are not being authentic. We are acting in a way to bring about a desired result, usually in an attempt to receive the love we don’t always give ourselves. However, an important aspect of loving ourselves is the ability to set strong boundaries. Boundaries create a strong and healthy container to honor, care for and grow the love within relationships for the long haul. It requires patience and fortitude. So often, we opt for instant gratification to fulfill a momentary urge, feel good right now and self-soothe regardless of the consequences or long-term costs.

In our love relationships, it’s too easy to forgo the uncomfortable boundary conversation because we want what we want, and we are uncertain our lover will still want us if we come across as… demanding? crazy? high-maintenance? Fill in the blank. The reality is, when we have enough respect for ourselves to show up authentically and in our power, we attract the same—another integrated (= having integrity) human being ready to move forward in a real and conscious relationship who can respect our boundaries.

Author Dr. Henry Cloud writes about the importance of boundaries as they “provide the structure that creates security.” When we feel safe and secure within ourselves and our relationships, we are free to be who we are fully, joyfully and without reservation. This gives us the confidence to explore our deepest desires and follow through on our dreams.

Boundaries are true love—love for the other and love for the self. An added bonus: vulnerability and shame researcher/author, Brene Brown, reports one of the qualities of the happiest people is the ability to set strong boundaries!